The Price You Pay
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: Catherine thinks back on how her life has changed in 23 years. GRILLOWS.


**I know, I the GSR girl is writing a Grillows fic. I am still adamantly a Grissom/Sara fan, but this song practically demanded I write it. Also, my bestest friend scared the living hell out of me and is in the hospital. Since I can't make it better, I can at least cheer her up a bit. Feel better Jenna. I love you oodles, Boo. **

**Disclaimer: Own nothing. **

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**_She's dancin' for the groceries  
She's dancin' for the rent  
She's dancin' for the credit card  
That she's already spent  
In sequins and in laces  
She's dancin' for the braces  
So her kids can have a perfect smile someday  
Smiling while she dances  
Is the price she has to pay_

-Kenny Chesney;

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"Lindsey! Push me higher!" Their youngest daughter calls in the backyard and Catherine Grissom stands at the kitchen sink watching her children play in the backyard. They had moved to Montana not long after they got married and Gil decided to take the retirement package he was offered. Lindsey was off to college at Nevada State and the move just seemed logical. Catherine had seen the affect growing up in Las Vegas had had on her daughter and didn't want to do that to her youngest children.

"Hannie, I think that's high enough." Lindsey informed her little sister as she stood between the two swings. James and Hannah, the five year old Grissom twins, had surprised their parents a mere few months before the move.

"Mommy! Watch me." James called from the swing.

"I see you, Baby." Catherine hollered through the open window and felt her heart leap as her little boy jumped from the swing and landed in the pile of leaves they had raked that morning. She watched Lindsey fish her brother from the pile and marveled at how different things had been twenty-three years ago, when Lindsey was just a baby.

_The then twenty something year old Catherine Willows put on a red sequined dress every single night while the babysitter tucked her daughter in five miles away. The smell of smoke would fill the club and Catherine would sit backstage waiting for her turn to dance, staring at herself in the mirror, hating who she saw. She'd apply her thick red lipstick and blink back the tears – wanting nothing more than to tuck Lindsey in herself or at least call and check on her, but the boss man said 'No calls come in or go out'._

_As she slides into a dress that might feel pretty if she didn't have to take it off again, she dreams. She dreams of getting a house in a good part of Las Vegas, getting a job Lindsey could tell her friends about, giving her daughter the life she always dreamed of. It's a vicious cycle; dancing to pay the bills and then getting more bills before something can change, so she's back to dancing again. _

"_Cath, you're on." Someone informs her and she slides out of the chair and heads for the stage. She doesn't remember who she's supposed to be tonight, but it's sure as hell better than being herself. _

_The music pounds and it's dark enough that she can almost pretend that the scum of the earth aren't reaching out to grope her. As her body contorts in unnatural ways to a beat she doesn't particularly care for, she thinks of Lindsey. _

_It's all for Lindsey, everything to give her baby girl a better life. She spends her money on groceries and bills and the credit card that she's already spent, the rest goes to fill Lindsey's world with examples of a better life. She reads to her baby girl every day about a world that isn't filled with sex and drugs. The kind of world she wants Lindsey to know. The kind of world where men aren't like Eddie and mirrors are for smiling in, not doing lines. _

"_Once you're in it's a harder world to get out of than a street gang." She had been warned when she came to Las Vegas, the Montanan girl searching for the wild, romantic side of Sin City. It's a harsh world she got into and it's only profitable while the good looks last. What she's going to do then, she has absolutely no idea – but she's ready to be out. _

_Her shift ends as quickly as it began, it always goes fast when she's thinking of Lindsey. She hurries off stage and back to her designated area. She rolls her eyes at her best friend who is standing next to her vanity mirror, "Not tonight, Gil."_

"_I thought you were quitting." He counters, looking her in the eyes instead of communicating with her _

_nearly naked chest. _

"_I was." She informs him as she removes her shoes and grabs her street clothes from her bag, "Until the electric company threatened to turn our lights off and my seven month old needed diapers."_

"_Catherine." He sighs. _

"_I'll quit." She promises, "I am quitting. Just not this month. Too many bills and not enough money."_

_Gil gave her a ride home and as she stumbles through the darkened doorway she fights the urge to cry. The babysitter left around midnight and Eddie is passed out on God knows what on the couch. As the tears stream down her cheeks, she walks into Lindsey's room and lifts her sleeping daughter from the crib. As Lindsey morphs her body against her a fresh wave of tears hits her and she whispers a thousand promises into her sleeping baby's ear. She'd make good on those promises because for Lindsey it was worth it all. _

"Stop it." Gil Grissom whispers in his wife's ear, "She turned out just fine."

"How?" Catherine turns in his arms and looked up at him, bracing her palms against the counter.

He drops a kiss to her lips, "Because I know you and I know that look."

"I just wish Lindsey could have had all the opportunities that James and Hannah are going to have." She explains and wipes at tears she couldn't recall falling.

"I don't think Lindsey minds her childhood and just because it's different than her siblings doesn't make it better or worse." Gil informs her and pulled her into a hug.

"I suppose you're right." Her chin rests on his chest and she stares up at him, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Ewww." James, Hannah, and Lindsey cry as they enter the house. The twins hang on either of Lindsey's arms and she has the biggest smile on her face.

"Let's go wash your hands." Grissom takes the twins, "Welcome home, Lindsey."

"Thanks, Dad." Lindsey kisses his cheek and joins her mother by the stove. As the rest of the family heads to wash up for dinner, Lindsey jumped up on the counter, "Mom, he's right."

"You weren't supposed to over hear that." Catherine sighed.

"Too bad, I did." Lindsey grabs her mother's hand, "Stop feeling guilty. I love you and I love my life. Yeah, Hannah and James might get a different set of chances at life, but I got to have you all to myself for eighteen years. You danced to give me a better life. You went back to school to give me a better life. You grounded by butt every single time I crossed the line to give me a better life. Face it, Mrs. Grissom, you're a kick ass Mom."

"Lindsey."

"I love you." Lindsey smiled.

"Love you too, Linds."

"LINDSEY! MOMMY! HELP!" Hannah called from the other room, "DADDY AND JAMIE GOT ME ALL WET!"

"Coming Hannie!" Lindsay grabbed Catherine's hand and pulled her towards the bathroom. As the family splashed one another and laughter filled the house, Catherine Grissom realized she was thankful for the price she had to pay.


End file.
